allies Archives - Queer Theology

You Can’t Build A Bridge Between LGBTQ+ People And The Church

by Fr. Shannon Kearns

I’ve taken to tweeting “No bridges need to be built “between” the LGBTQ and Christian communities. BECAUSE THERE ARE A TON OF PEOPLE WHO ARE BOTH LGBTQ AND CHRISTIAN.“ on a regular basis because this idea of “bridge building” just won’t seem to die. You see it in the work of Fr. James Martin, in the work of many evangelical groups, and in common use in other places.

But the last time I tweeted it brought all sorts of comments from folks who can’t seem to understand exactly why the phrase is so messed up so I think it’s time to elaborate.

Firstly the way that most folks use the phrase sets up a distinction between two sides. People who are Christian are on one side and people who are LGBTQ are on the other side. And, depending on who is doing the speaking, one side is supposed to build a bridge of understanding, communication, empathy to the other side. On the surface that seems nice. We could also use more understanding and empathy. But when you look more deeply what this statement does is set up a false dichotomy.

There are plenty of people who are both LGBTQ and Christian. Folks who are queer and trans and ordained. Folks who are in the church. Folks who have never left the church. For us there can be no bridge because there is literally not two places for that bridge to span between. Because we are both. You don’t set up a bridge unless there are two distinct places that need to be joined (and a chasm between them). When you use bridge language you are make it sound like there are no LGBTQ Christians anywhere, ever and we know that is simply just not true.

This idea of the bridge is predicated on a fiction that there is a chasm between the Queer/Trans and Christian identities. It’s a fiction because for many, many people those identities aren’t separate. They are integrated and whole and holy.

You can’t build a bridge between something that isn’t separate. So even when you say things like LGBTQ Christians are a bridge between the church and the LGBTQ community you are still insinuating that queerness/transness is separate from Christian identity. That when we are in church we are Christians and when we are in our queer/trans community that we are queer/trans but the reality is that when we are in church we are queer/trans Christians and when we are in our queer/trans community we are STILL queer/trans Christians. We are not a bridge to anywhere because we are whole in all of our identities.

Bridge language is harmful because it others queer/trans Christians. It continues to isolate us. To make us feel as if we are not integral to Christian community.

But it’s also harmful because it makes queer/trans folks feel like they have to cross out of their queerness/transess to be in Christian community and that is not true either.

So instead of building bridges, let’s talk about wholeness, about health, about vital community. Let’s talk about multiplicity of identities and how you should always be able to show up as fully yourself.

You cannot build a bridge between something that isn’t separate.I

Photo Credit: Miradortigre Flickr via Compfight cc

An Open Letter to Faith Leaders for Transgender Day of Remembrance

by Brian G. Murphy

allies, leaders, trans allies, transgender

This letter was written by jennifer caitlín eller and sent privately to her friends; it is published here with her permission. jennifer is a member of Queer Theology’s online community Sanctuary Collective. You can connect with her at caitlinsong.wordpress.com or on Twitter @RiverSong1938

An Open Letter to All my Friends Who Are Faith Leaders,

Monday, 20 November, 2017 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Every 20th of November services are held to remember and make visible the known transgender people who have died due to anti-transgender violence. Black and brown transgender women make up the majority of these victims. This year continues the trend of seeing more transgender people killed than the previous year, yet these attacks and the Transgender Day of Remembrance receive very little acknowledgement outside of LGBTQ circles. The vast majority of Americans are unaware that on this day, every year, a day of mourning happens to honor the people lost solely because of their gender identity. This year, we mourn over two dozen Americans.

In light of this being Transgender Awareness Week and the week ending in the memorial service for those who have been lost, I encourage my pastors, my friends who are faith leaders, and all faith leaders to specifically mention the Transgender Day of Remembrance in their services and in their public prayers. Pray for and act on behalf of the victims of anti-transgender hate crimes. Pray for and act on behalf of victims and survivors, their friends, their families (chosen and biological), and their community.

Today, I present myself to you as a voice crying from the wilderness. A wilderness of fear, anguish, and suffering. A wilderness so dark that it cannot even be said to be ignored or rejected, but lost. I am the Canaanite woman begging for your fallen scraps; for even your pets receive the blessing of Saint Francis once a year. I am the bleeding woman reaching out in hope of a miracle; I am extending my hand to you in faith that you will act to stem this bloodshed. I am the woman with the crooked back, bent over and hobbled, having seen nothing but dirt for decades; I stand before you now and hope you will lift our faces that we might see you and be seen by you.

I understand that the choice to do this comes with risk.

There will be those who will be surprised or confused by what you say. Still more, there will be those who reject and actively resist what you say. I know that you have a position and a responsibility to your congregants and your superiors. You are expected to adhere to the dogma you were empowered under.

I appreciate the gravity of what I am asking and I am asking it all the same.

For God wants justice to flow down like mighty waters and that is powerful imagery. Mighty waters are overwhelming and not a little chaotic. They rip apart established structures and consume them. Mighty waters are not gentle, they do not only come if you are ready, and they do not ask your permission or acceptance for their flood. Scripture is demanding that justice, true Divine justice, be not concerned with what is political, or expedient, or comfortable. Scripture demands we be prepared and willing to rip out the old structures and dogma, if it stands between God’s children and God’s justice. Are you willing to unleash those waters and let them wash away the injustices the church has shored and bolstered?

According to Matthew, Jesus said, not a sparrow falls from heaven without God seeing it, and how much more are we than sparrows. God sees us. I am asking that you, also, see us. God cares for us. I am asking that you, also, show care for us.

I invite you to engage with Transgender Day of Remembrance by attending a service organized by your and silently bearing witness. Find one near you by Googling “Transgender Day of Remembrance” + your city.

You are also invited to offer a prayer privately, with your small group or Bible study, or with your congregation.

Transgender Day of Remembrance Prayer by Vicky Gibbs
Transgender Day of Remembrance Prayer by Sunshine Jeremiah Wolfe
Prayer of Confession for Transgender Day of Remembrance by AnnMarie Kneebone and Regina Shands Stoltzfus

You can view all of Queer Theology’s transgender resources at queertheology.com/transgender

Listen to Transgender People

by Brian G. Murphy

allies, trans allies, transgender

I am a cisgender man. When I speak about transgender issues, that fact should make you less likely to listen to me than when a transgender person speaks on the same subject. Unfortunately, too often the exact opposite is the case.

Yes, we must all speak out about issues that matter. Cis folks on trans issues, straight folks on queer issues, white folks on issues of race. It’s not right to make the already-victimized do even more work. AND ALSO, the work of liberation must always be led by the oppressed, not by the oppressors.

It was Moses, an Israelite himself, who led the Israelites out of slavery… it wasn’t a benevolent Egyptian. TWEET IT

And so when it comes to “transgender issues” and “the Church,” we must first, always, turn our ears and hearts toward what transgender people are actually saying. Because they are saying a lot.

Fr. Shay has written extensively about it here (and here and here and here and here and this video) on Queer Theology.

Joy Ladin is doing ground-breaking, soul-healing work on Jewish transgender theology

Rev. Nicole Garcia has been offering a healing word for trans folks for — literally — my entire queer life

Lee Ming reminds us that trans spirituality is not confined to white, “Western” religions

Austen Hartke has an entire YouTube channel dedicated to transgender Christian issues.

Justin Tanis literally wrote a book on it.

And Mx. Chris Paige wrote a guidebook for trans liberation.

Articles “about trans issues” are becoming more and more popular in progressive circles, even in progressive Christian circles. That’s great progress, but it’s insufficient. You can’t hope to even come close to understanding the trans experience — or how to support trans people — or what you might learn from trans people — just by reading an article or two, whether that’s a long-form essay or a listicle.

Instead, you must do the work. And the work isn’t always glamorous. The work won’t necessarily get you Facebook likes or Twitter retweets (and it might not get you a “Yaass queen preach!”). But the work is necessary. The work saves lives.

And what is that work? Fr. Shay spelled it out lrecently:

I’m going to ask the cisgender folks to do all of the transgender folks a favor and read a few things. Like this article on transgender clobber passages, and this email exchange between a transgender man and his conservative mother, and these posts, too. If you want to dive deeper you can read Janet Mock’s Redefining Realness. If you need some help with terminology go here, or if you need some help understanding how sexual orientation and gender identity are different check this out.

By checking out these resources that have already been created, you free up the transgender folks in your life to do other things. Like worship in their own churches without having to always be “on” as an educator, you free us up to write theology (like my book Walking Toward Resurrection), and to do deeper work than just 101 stuff.

I’ll use that as a jumping off point and break that down into some actionable steps you can take.

Read books by transgender people. Like a lot of them.

Here are a few:

Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
Surpassing Certainty by Janet Mock
Trans Bodies, Trans Selves edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth
Transgender Children of God by Megan Rohr
Walking Toward Resurrection by Fr. Shannon TL Kearns

Show up at trans events (that are open to cis folks)

Look up your local LGBTQ, feminist, and/or radical bookstore and attend readings and workshops by trans presenters. Check in with your local LGBTQ center to see if there are any groups or events you can attend. If you have a question and trans folks are in the audience, maybe wait awhile to let them ask their questions first since this may be one of a few spaces carved out for them. If your question might make trans people uncomfortable, maybe hang back and ask the presenter one-on-one or take some time to Google it first to see if you can gather any information that way (or can find a more considerate or nuanced way to ask the question).

Attend a Trans Day of Action event and put your body on the line for trans justice. Attend a Transgender Day of Remembrance service and sit silently to witness.

Do the “boring” work of making your church more inclusive

Update the language on your website, change the bathrooms to be gender neutral. Work through this checklist and this article. Have the tough conversations with the lead pastor or the head of your board or the director of operations to explain why this is necessary.

Hire trans people

Go out of your way to share job postings on trans-specific message boards, listservs, and Facebook groups (and make sure your organization is prepared to fully support trans staff). Trans people are just as skilled as cis folks, but much more likely to be discriminated against so you’ve got to go out of your way to make sure you reach them.

Bring trans pastors, authors, and experts to speak at your church (and pay them)

The gifts that trans speakers have to offer your congregation or organization are valuable, pay for them. Don’t just expect trans people to work for free, or for “exposure” or “experience” or because it’s important or because if they don’t work for free then there just won’t be a speaker. (We’re happy to work with you on bringing Fr. Shay to speak, reach out).

But the most important step in all of this is to actually DO it.

Don’t just read this article and move on. Don’t just share it and consider the job done. Don’t just tweet about trans issues. You’ve got to invest time and energy in this process. As cis folks, we have a choice to engage in this process or not. It can be disorienting and sometimes uncomfortable and, honestly, it’s a life-long endeavor. But it’s worth it. And it’s the right thing to do. And just like LGB folks don’t have the luxury of “choosing” to think about whether or not it’s OK to be queer, transgender folks don’t have the luxury of engaging in or disengaging from this struggle. So cis folks, let’s choose to engage.

Photo: The Gender Spectrum Collection

Is Your Church Working In Solidarity With Transgender People?

by Brian G. Murphy

allies, leaders, trans allies, transgender

Your progressive, LGBT-affirming church might have more in common with Donald Trump than you’d care to admit.

Progressive Christians were, rightfully, outraged when Donald Trump announced on Twitter that the United States military would not “accept or allow” transgender service members. Many of us took to Twitter and Facebook to express our outrage. But when we look at our own churches, are they much different from Donald Trump’s vision for the US military?

Trump said it’s too “costly” to have transgender Americans in the military… does your church not have accessible all-gender restrooms because it would be too costly to renovate?

Trump has warned that including transgender Americans in the military would be detrimental to military cohesion… does your church not have a culture of asking and sharing gender pronouns because changing the culture would be uncomfortable?

Listen, if you’re here, I trust that you want to be welcoming and inclusive of transgender people. That’s an awesome first step. If you’re feeling a little convicted (and maybe even a little overwhelmed) at all the work you have to do … about just how hard it is to meet transgender people’s demands … about how you’re never exactly sure what is enough so why try? … I hear you. But it’s actually quite simple.

Take a few breaths, we’re gonna get through this together.

If you’re committed to justice—if you’re committed to the Gospel—we put together this article to help you get started.

(Need more hand-holding? Fr. Shay and I are available for training and consulting to make your church more welcoming and inclusive—and beyond that, to make it even more committed to justice for LGBTQ people.)

Here a list of tangible actions you can take to make sure your church is a space for transgender people.

If you’re a pastor or church leader, take steps to implement these changes right away. If you’re a congregant or a lay leader… talk to the powers-that-be in your church about why this is important (you can call us for backup if you need to).

Does your church have accessible all-gender restrooms?

TWEET IT

All-gender restrooms take two forms:

Single-stall restrooms that are either not gendered at all or (even better) explicitly designated as all-gender. They need to not just exist but be accessible. Not tucked away in the staff lounge, not on the other side of the building from all the other restrooms, not up a flight of stairs with no elevator access.
All-Gender Multi-Stall Restrooms. If you already have restrooms in your church (and I’m assuming you do), the easiest thing to do is convert them all to All-Gender Restrooms. You don’t have to add a costly new bathroom; all you need to do is order some new signs! But what about men and women using the bathroom together?! This might be new to some people but using the bathroom in a mixed gender enviornment is actually quite simple: you go in, do your business, and get out. There are already private stalls for the actual business. And harassment and assault are still off-the-table (and illegal) regardless of who is in the bathroom. LGBTQ centers and conferences have had multi-stall all-gender bathrooms for ages without incident.If visitors have an issue with using an all-gender bathroom, they can use a private single stall bathroom.Here’s a great example of a sign you could use to let folks know that the bathrooms are all gender.But what if you don’t have any single stall bathrooms? Well, your two options are to make nonbinary people feel unwelcome and some trans people feel uncomfortable or to accommodate visitors who feel icky about trans people and/or hold regressive views about gender (they need to be separate!). Ask yourself who you are privileging and why. The truth is, using an all-gender bathroom should be a non-event … it’s ok to ask folks to try something new. It’s liberating!

Do you have signage to indicate guests are welcome to use the bathroom consistent with their identity?

TWEET IT

If you have bathrooms to spare, you might designate some bathrooms as all gender and some as gender-specific. If this is the case, make sure that you have signage encouraging visitors to feel comfortable using the bathroom that is consistent with their gender identity or expression. Here’s an example of a sign you could use.

Do you specify gender identity and expression in your nondiscrimination policy?

TWEET IT

Nondiscrimination policies generally explicitly list many protected classes (gender, disability, etc). If you have a nondiscrimination policy, make sure it explicitly includes gender identity and expression (we also recommend including sexual orientation, HIV status, immigration status, in addition to the more common ones like gender, race, ethnicity). If you don’t have a nondiscrimination policy, talk to your lawyer about creating one! Nondiscrimination policies are an easy way that transgender people can check to see if you care about them — make sure you do! Do you already have a nondiscrimination policy that includes gender identity and expression? Is it published in your bulletin and on your website in a place where it can be easily seen and found?

Do you have gender-segregated groups (like a “Mens Ministry”)? If so, why? Where do nonbinary people go? Are trans women included in women’s groups?

TWEET IT

Groups like “Men’s Ministry” have been for so long that you might not even think to question them but take a second to ask yourself: if you have gender-segregated groups or programs, why do you have them? If your answer something along the lines of “Being a woman in society and in the church is difficult and sometimes even dangerous, we need a private space away from patriarchy and male privelege” … that sounds like a great idea! If the answer is closer to “Men are just different than women,” you might be relying on outdated (and inaccurate!) notions about gender. Consider organizing groups around shared interests such as entrepreneurs or artists, rather than assuming men or women have certain needs just because they are men/women.

And if you do have gender-segregated groups, make sure that trans people are included in the group consistent with their gender (and recognize that you’ll be leaving out nonbinary or agender people).

Do you actually include transgender people in the stories you tell from the pulpit? Including stories where the point isn’t about gender?

TWEET IT

Pastors love to tell stories. Stories of dads playing ball with their sons, stories of the woman you sat next to on the train, stories of your grandmother or stories of a stranger in a far away land. But do you tell stories about transgender people? Because being cis and straight is the norm, when you tell a story about a dad … it’s assumed to be a straight, cisgender dad. Transgender people are brilliant (and also ordinary). Include them in your stories.

Transgender people have something unique to teach us about gender, but it’s also important that we let them be whole, complex people. So absolutely tell stories that include them when the point involves something about gender… but also tell stories that include them when the story is about something else too: trans people can teach us about grit, grace, courage, faithfulness, service, and a whole host of other things in addition to gender.

If you want to see a powerful example of how Fr. Shay’s transgender journey enriched his faith, read Walking Toward Resurrection.

Does your church’s health insurance cover transition-related costs? If not, how will you support church staff seeking to medically transition?

TWEET IT

Jesus made it pretty clear that taking care of people with medical needs was a priority of his. As Christians, it needs to be a priority of ours, as well. If your church’s health insurance plan does not cover transition-related medical costs, you need to do a few things:

Advocate: reach out to your provider, express your support for transition-related coverage, ask them to change their policy and add it. Let them know this is serious enough to you that you will seek coverage elsewhere if they won’t include it.
Adjust: switch to a plan that includes transition-related medical care coverage, if at all possible. This might mean taking on higher costs. It’s worth it. Would you take a plan that excluded prostate health care or care for pregnant parents if that meant saving money?
Support: if you can’t find a plan that includes transition-related coverage, make a plan for how you will support staff in their transition. Put it in writing. Do this right now, don’t wait until you have a transgender staff person wanting to transition. It’s important to do even if you think no one is watching. You might support them by establishing a special fund that can be tapped to pay for care when needed.

If your church supports causes (such hunger or homelessness), what are you doing about violence against trans people?

TWEET IT

Recognizing that God cares about the kingdom “on earth as it is in heaven,” many churches are engaged with causes that matter. If that’s your church, awesome! Be aware that the causes you aren’t supporting say as much about you as the ones you are supporting. Violence against transgender people (particularly trans women of color) is an epidemic—and it’s getting worse, not better. 2016 was the deadliest year on record for transgender people. How will you organize to end this violence? Employment discrimination against transgender people is a sin with far-reaching consequences (from housing to healthcare to mental/emotional well-being). How can you support transgender job seekers? 40% of homeless youth are LGBTQ yet there are shockingly few shelters and beds designated for LGBTQ youth—that they know will be safe for them. Many homeless LGBTQ youth are homeless because they experienced Christian-based rejection from their families. As a Christians body, how will you repent for that sin and make it right?

Ok, so you want to be a trans ally … what now?

You’re committed to making your church (or school, club, or organization) more inclusive for transgender people and you’re committed to working toward justice for transgender people, so now what?

In addition to this post, we also put together a 15-point checklist that your church can work through to make sure it is inclusive of LGBTQ people. Download that here.

If you’re in a position to implement the changes outlined in this article, start doing so! (Maybe you’re already doing some: this process will be even easier for you!). If you need additional support, Fr. Shay and I are available for consulting and/or training to guide you, your leadership, and your congregation through this process. Reach to us at connect@queertheology.com to discuss further.

If you go to a progressive or affirming church, talk to your leaders about putting these ideas into motion, we put together a one-page letter that you can customize and send to them. Download it here.

It’s important to remember that being an ally is an on-going process, not a one-time declaration. It’s a commitment to a lifetime of growth and learning. It also means that sometimes, despite our best intentions, we’re going to mess it up. So being an ally means being in relationship with — and really listening to — transgender people so that we can respond to their needs, wishes, and even critiques. Sometimes that might make us uncomfortable, but it’s the right thing to do (and hey, the Gospel is costly!).

Kind Homophobia and Transphobia Is Still Evil

by Fr. Shannon Kearns

allies, trans allies, transgender

Love the sinner, hate the sin. I support you but I don’t support your lifestyle. I love you but I can’t use the right pronouns for you. You are welcome in my house, but you and your partner can’t share a bed. I wish you every happiness in your life but I won’t be attending your wedding.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Have they been said to you by friends or family members? On the surface they seem nice. I mean, yeah, a little offensive maybe, but kind. Polite. No one is calling you names or telling you you’re going to hell. They are communicating with you and not cutting off contact. You are still welcome to family gatherings. You can maybe even bring the person you are dating/married to! Sure it’s not perfect, but nothing is entirely perfect, right? They are trying! It’s better than it could be. And you’re right, it’s definitely better than it could be. And depending on how long it’s been going on it could also be a step in their journey, one that will improve and get better.

Quick interjection: if this is you, and if you could use some extra support, we put together a free, three-part guide to self care for LGBTQ Christians. It’s videos + workbooks to help you navigate the issues we’re talking about in this article in a healthy and life-affirming way. Click here to get it for free here

But these statements and actions aren’t actually kind or benevolent. They aren’t actually welcoming or accepting. They aren’t actually loving. Because real love says, I love you, just as you are, in all of your complexity. I love you with your faults and flaws. I love you, not the image I have in my head of who I want you to be.   Now, some will say that real love doesn’t excuse bad behavior, or let people off the hook for wrong doing, and I would agree but in this case what you’re saying is that my transition, someone else’s same gender marriage ceremony, or sharing a bed with a partner are sinful and wrong. And that’s where it all breaks down.   When someone thinks or believes that something so fundamental to who you are; your core identity, the way you love, the person you love, is sinful and wrong there is no way that actual love can exist. Certainly tolerance can exist. You can be acquaintances. You can maybe share meals or even holidays. But there will always be a wall between you because your full self isn’t welcome at the table.

That’s not your doing. It’s not on you to make yourself more palatable to someone else. You don’t have to hide your love away. You don’t have to not hold hands or pretend to be friends. You don’t have to put up with being called by the wrong pronouns. Certainly you can choose to do those things; whether out of a sense of familial loyalty or to protect your own safety. Just know that you choosing to do those things makes you the bigger person. It makes you a giant in the face of hateful requests and expectations. And you can choose to do it but you don’t owe it to anyone.

We make decisions for any number of reasons, I get that and I’ve done it myself for many years for lots of reasons. But what I urge you is to do it knowing that you shouldn’t have to. Know that it is an unfair request. Know that it diminishes you and that diminishment is the fault of the people who refuse to do the work of learning about your life and actually loving you. That’s on them, not on you.

Don’t be fooled by hateful ideology wrapped up in sweet slogans. Don’t be fooled by tolerance naming itself as love. Don’t let your heart be troubled by people who try to blame you for their bad behavior.

Find people who will love you, truly love you. Surround yourself with those people and let them drown out the voices of those who pretend to love so long as you acquiesce.

You are good. You are loved. Your love is pure and holy and worthy. Your pronouns deserve to be respected. Your life deserves to be respected.

If you could use some support navigating unaffirming friends or family, we have a free resource just for you.

We put together a 3-part video on series on self-care for LGBTQ Christians. It’s all about identifying what you need to feel safe and respected, setting and maintaining boundaries, and finding ways to take care of yourself. We get it, it’s really hard to be around people who don’t fully accept you, even—or sometimes especially—when they’re kind to you, when they reach out and make some small “progress.”

You don’t have to go it alone, we’ve got your back.

What I learned about faith & justice from my transgender friends

by Brian G. Murphy

allies, trans allies, transgender

I’m sitting in the Carnegie Mellon dining hall with my friend and Sanctuary Collective co-conspirator Micah talking with two young guys from Campus Crusade for Christ.

“Oh your name’s Micah? Is your family Christian too?”

Micah looks flummoxed for only one second before replying, “Yeah… they are.”

In this moment, these two guys who have spent and will spend hours talking with us about why they think we’re wrong, why they think being LGBTQ is wrong, so clearly get it. In this moment he doesn’t realize that Micah’s parents didn’t give him the name Micah because he sees Micah as he truly is: male.

Before Micah and I were best friends, we were accidental roommates. We did the Equality Ride the same year but on different buses and he needed a place to crash when he moved to New York while looking for an apartment and I lived alone and offered up my futon.

Sometimes folks ask why I’m so passionate about transgender issues—here at Queer Theology and through Legalize Trans*—and it’s because of Micah. A few weeks after he moved in, Micah shared his new name with me and the world and began publicly transitioning. “Transgender issues” stopped being “issues” and they started becoming “shit my best friend has to deal with that he really shouldn’t.”

There’s a saying we used to share a lot at my evangelical church growing up, maybe you’ve heard it, it’s that “all other faiths are religions, but Christianity is a relationship.” I don’t think I buy that anymore but I do know that what I continue to value about the value systems that guide my life, including Christianity, are relationships.

My relationship with Micah transformed the way that I see the world and gave me new tools for organizing for justice. The issues we face are different: he can legally marry his wife in every state in the country, I don’t have to run an ad in the newspaper so that my gender is correct on my government documents. But they are interconnected because the same systems hold us down: gender expectations and policing, patriarchy, religious fundamentalism.

When I first came out, I wanted to keep everything the same. On my Equality Ride application, I opened with a proclamation that I was gay, American, and an evangelical Christian. I wanted my whole world to stay exactly the same, except for the small tweak that now it’s OK to be gay. If I’m honest with myself, 18 year old Brian probably would have been content to throw trans folks under the bus.

But making the world a little bit easier for cisgender, gay, white, males, from upper middle class educated families with law degrees isn’t good enough.

Working on intersectionally on issues that cut across identities—race, religion, immigration status, gender identity, economic access, physical & mental ability, HIV status, body size—has given me glimpses of what the Kingdom of God looks like.

Jesus hung out in the margins. With the outcasts. With the ones the religious elite deemed “outside” and “undesirable.” He didn’t do that because he felt sorry for them. He did that because God is, literally, there.

I say that for queer Christians, it’s not about asking of straight folks “please, let us in to your churches,” it’s about offering “Hey, you’re invited to come hang out us with us because this is where God is.” And the same is true of cisgender LGB Christians. We shouldn’t care about transgender people and issues because we pity them or because it’s fashionable and we can get a book deal or speaking gigs or a lot of likes on our Facebook posts… We should be invested because transgender people bring something critical to the table and we are not whole without them.

But back to Micah. When I didn’t know where to start, Micah helped me get pointed in the right direction. Not in a “here, I will teach you everything that you need to know” sort of way but instead in a “you are my friend and here’s something that I’m dealing with” sort of way. And then I had to do the work myself of connecting the dots, of seeing how that fit into larger structures. I had to humble myself and accept that he had a right to be mad at me in the times that I fucked up.

You can’t just go find some transgender person to befriend so that they’ll magically teach you how to be a better person. But if you’re committed to justice, especially if you’re committed to the vision of justice you see in the Bible, than you are called to be in relationship. You are called to an embodied faith.

And as the prophet Micah said, you are called to “Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly.”

Micah & Brian founded Sanctuary Collective in 2010 as a network of support for LGBTQ young adults and allies organizing for justice in Christian communities through resources, monitorship, and a year-long leadership development program. In 2015, Sanctuary Collective was revived as Queer Theology’s online community for LGBTQ Christians and straight, cisgender supporters. Learn more about Sanctuary Collective

Division & Solidarity: A letter to straight allies

by Brian G. Murphy

allies, trans allies

When a person, organization, or government opposes the full equality of queer people, they create a gulf between themselves and me. If there is division when queers come out or speak up, we do not create it; we simply bring attention to the division which is already there, a division we did not create.

I am no longer a member of the church I grew up in. Though the process of separating myself from my church was painful at the time, it was inevitable. My church had cut me out of its body long before I came out.

I recognize that our straight friends and family have a different experience. Though you love and care about us deeply, the lines of division which anti-queer forces draw are drawn around us, not you. Your separation from friends, family, or institutions is not a forgone conclusion. I say this to you, my straight friends, to let you know that I understand the weight of the situation. As a straight person, you can stay within anti-queer institutions. You have the luxury of agreeing to disagree, or disagreeing in silence, or being the frustrated out-spoken critic. You may even be able to achieve some degree of success by staying where you are. You might influence some people, you might change hearts and minds, you might even affect some policy change. I understand this all.

And yet, you accomplish all of those “victories” in spaces where we are not allowed, where we have been removed or silenced or degraded. You are standing inside of the circle that they drew to keep us out.

I understand that you don’t need to leave because they’ll make you, or because you need to in order to survive. I understand it is not your humanity that is assaulted by their policies. I understand that while they cut me out of the body, you will need to cut yourself out in order to leave. It will be painful, and messy, and scary.

I understand all of these things. I want you to know I understand them because I am asking you to leave anyway.

If you can understand that I am not fully affirmed in anti-queer churches; in families which do not accept LGBT children, siblings, parents, or partners; in the eyes of our government, I am asking you to see that you are standing inside a place I am not allowed. And so I do not want you to stay, or to build bridges, or to try to work from the inside out. I want you to stand beside me. I want you to walk across the gulf these anti-gay forces have created between you and me and I want you to stand with me.

I want you to leave my oppressors behind and stand with me. I want you to refuse to cooperate with injustice. We may not be able to close that gap ourselves but we can actively create on our side of that gap and we can refuse to participate in our own oppression. We do not need to sit at the cliffside and beg to be let back across. We can–and do!–create communities, families, support structures amongst ourselves. We can create art, find love, forge alliances, and stand in solidarity.

And so I am asking you to leave your churches that exclude queer people and join congregations that affirm us. I am asking you to cultivate a chosen family that is full of lesbian, gay, transgender, and queer folks. I am asking that you work with us to build solidarity movements that cut across race, class, nationality, immigration status, physical and mental ability, and any other gulf of division which has been created to keep us apart.

I am asking that you leave the places which divide and join the places which empower. In essence, I am asking you to be the change you wish to see in the world; which, of course, is not a new idea at all.

Journey to LGBT Affirmation: An interview with Peggy Campolo

by Brian G. Murphy

allies, trans allies

When I was 15-years-old and figuring out that I was queer and still deeply closeted, I scoured the internet for anything and everything it had to say about homosexuality. Specifically, anything it had to say about being gay and Christian. I will never forget finding Peggy & Tony Campolo’s conversation about homosexuality. It was one of those defining moments in my own journey.

Peggy Campolo said clearly and without any conditions that being LGBT was perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, perfectly acceptable, and perfectly compatible with Christianity. Not only that, LGBT Christians were blessed, important, integral members of the Christian community. We had something to offer.

Years later, I found myself working for her husband as his organization, the Evangelical Association for the Promotion of Education, was one of my clients. Our paths crossed again when we found ourselves sitting next to each other on a flight to the Room for All conference in Grand Rapids, Michigan. As Fr. Shay and I were putting together the JOURNEY (EXILE) issue of Spit & Spirit, I knew I wanted to interview Peggy about her own journey of LGBT affirmation and advocacy. I’m honored to do so here, it’s a divine closing-the-loop of my own journey that started so many years ago.

+ When did the journey toward LGBT affirmation start for you?

Whenever I am asked to write an article about when I “changed my mind about homosexual people,” I always have to say that I never had to change my mind about them. For as far back as I can remember, I knew people who were “different” even if I had no name for what made them different. I also knew that their lives were made difficult by other people who did not like them, for reasons I never could understand. As my awareness grew and I learned more about these children of God who happened not to be straight, I felt a great anger toward those who did their best to make them miserable and keep them out. To me, the fact that the church was most often an unfriendly place for them was horrible. I have always wanted things to be fair, and life, especially life in the church was anything but fair to the “different” people I knew. So I was kind to those “different “ people, but I sure didn’t stand up for them. I didn’t even stand up for myself back in those days. I was a” people pleaser” with no courage at all.

What changed for me, changed the day I met Jesus in the hospital room of a friend who was dying. I’ve told the whole story many times, so will just say here that I left the hospital that day, full of joy. I felt great joy for my friend Helen who I was sure now knew that she was on her way to a wonderful place to be with the God who loved her. I also felt great joy for myself because the God I had asked to come to Helen had come to me too. The Holy Spirit was real and would be part of my life from now on. I knew that. But I did wonder what my testimony would be. How would my life change? I was already a “good” church lady who visited people who were old and sick, and all the good testimonies I knew were about things like giving up being a prostitute or not selling drugs any more.

God didn’t take long to let me know how my life would change. About two weeks after Helen died, I was in the back seat of a car with Tony. The couple in the front seat had met us at the airport and were taking us to one of my husband’s speaking engagements. I am sure they would have identified themselves as Evangelical Christians, and they wanted to talk to Tony about what was wrong with the church. First on their list was “those people – the gays.” I sat in silent misery and anger, doing what I had always done in such situations – nothing! I am sure that Tony said some pretty good things to them, but my own silence was so loud in my ears that I cannot remember what he said. I felt like I had not only failed to stand up for people I loved, but that I hadn’t stood up for Jesus either. That ride seemed interminable, but it ended too soon. Later, miserable and ashamed of myself, I cried myself to sleep, after promising God that if I ever had another chance to speak up for God’s GLBT children, I would not be silent.

Who have been some of your guides along this journey?

There have been many – different people at different stages of my journey.

First was Dr. Ralph Blair, founder of Evangelicals Concerned, a gay man from a Christian background similar to my own, who bravely stepped out to tell his truth at a time when few in the faith community were saying anything about homosexuality. Dr. Blair was the one who helped me to understand what ”the clobber passages” did and did not say. He was one of the first persons with whom I shared my calling to be an advocate for those children of God who happened not to be straight, and it was Dr. Blair who invited me to speak publicly for the very first time, back in 1993. That was at the Eastern U.S. gathering of Evangelicals Concerned, which still meets every summer at Kirkridge in Bangor, PA. I have sent a number of people to Dr. Blair for help. He is a therapist who does telephone counseling in addition to helping those who come to his office in NYC, and is an invaluable resource for those struggling to find a way to hold together both their love for Jesus and the reality that they are not straight

Dr. Mel White, the author of Stranger at the Gate; To Be Gay and Christian in America, and founder of Soulforce was the one who inspired me to stand in protest lines more times than I can remember, and even once, to spend part of a day in jail. Mel not only made me believe in what he was saying, but he made me believe in myself enough to stand up for justice ways I never thought possible for me. Soulforce didn’t change the world – not as much as we, along with Dr. White hoped it would, but now, years after my days on protest lines, I am still meeting people whose hearts were touched by Dr. White’s words, by the brave things he did, and by the message he inspired those of us who followed him to declare with our actions. Today, a group of people much younger than I am are going out in the name of Soulfoce to college campuses to stand up for justice for GLBT students. This is only one of the outreaches of Soulforce, and I am so proud to have been a small part of it.

Then there are the many pastors and teachers I have met who have spoken out for justice for God’s GLBT children – some at the cost of their jobs and the loss of those they thought were their friends. I know pastors who dared to m arch in Pride Parades in their cities, carrying signs that not only apologized for the actions of some of the rest of the church of Jesus Christ, but declared that they themselves were safe people to whom any looking for a haven in the church could come. I am happy to say that I know too many of these people to name them, but for me, all of them can stand proudly with the United Methodist Church’s Dr. Frank Schaefer, who recently lost his credentials in the church because he dared to officiate at the marriage of his gay son and his partner.

Cynthia Clawson is an inspiration to me. She is what musicians call, a singer’s singer. Her voice is in a category all by itself, as any who heard her singing Jesus is Tenderly Calling Thee Home on the soundtrack for the movie Trip to Bountiful can attest. Years ago, Cynthia sang for a gay group, and was publicly criticized by some Christians I shall call “narrow minded.” Her reply was to say that she would sing for any group who wanted to hear her sing about Jesus, and she went right on accepting the invitations that she knew meant that other invitation would not be coming her way. Some very large stages are missing Cynthia’s great talent, but I am only one of those for whom she is an inspiration. Micah 6:8 describes her well, as she goes through life doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with her God.

I cannot say enough good about the late Dr. Lewis Smedes, one of the 20th century’s finest Christian teachers. Like me, Dr. Smedes was a straight advocate for those children of God who happen not to be straight. He and I met when we were speakers at Evangelicals Concerned for the same weekend. I came home, not only proud to call this man a friend, but wishing the whole world could hear his reasoned and convincing case for why the Church should embrace the GLBT people it is too often guilty of pushing away. Dr. Smedes’ message is one the whole world should hear, and I cannot tell you how many copies of his DVD, There’s a Wideness in God’s Mercy, I have given away.

Finally, my dear friend Roberta Kreider has been a guide on my journey. A Mennonite woman in her mid eighties, Roberta has edited and published three amazing books, each full of the stories of Christians who had a difficult time in the church because they were not straight. To read any of them is like having your own personal speakers bureau. Roberta’s books contain stories from the hearts of real people, people who felt safe enough with her to tell to Roberta stories we all need to hear. In addition to what she has written, Roberta and her retired pastor husband Harold regularly open their home to children of God who do not feel welcome in places that call themselves houses of God. Roberta has done what God called her to do, despite some significant and very painful losses she suffered because she stood up for God’s GLBT children.

Answering that question was a real joy for me. I only regret that space makes it impossible for me to list the many, many others who have been my guides, holding up bright lights along the path of my journey.

+ What has been the easiest part? The hardest?

The easiest part for me is that I have never doubted that being an ally and advocate for those children of God who happen not to be straight is the Kingdomwork God planned for me to do in this world. I believe that God has something special for each of the children of God to do, and it was a blessing for me when I found mine.

The hardest thing was when, at the beginning of my public ministry, people who didn’t like what I was saying tried to stop me by making things difficult for my husband. I had never really done anything publicly, and I had no “kingdom” to lose. Tony, on the other hand, had spent most of his adult life trying to inspire young people to give a summer, a year or even the rest of their lives to missionary service, while committing himself to do all he could to raise money to make what they did possible. My heart ached the day Tony came home with a letter from a man who said, “If you don’t stop your wife from saying the church should accept gay people, I am not going to continue to support your orphans in Haiti.” Today, I wonder if that man cared at all about hungry kids in Haiti, but back then I could only wonder how many letter like that it would take to make me feel I should be silent.

Then, I remember a very special day when Tony came home for lunch with a question for me: “Peggy,” he said, “what would you do if I asked you to stop standing up for gay people because havingyou doing that is hurting the missionary work I have spent my life building?” The silence that followed his question was deafening, as it dawned on me that I would not, could not stop standing up for those who were not straight, no matter what anyone, even my beloved husband said. I felt very sick but I couldn’t even cry, and I certainly had no answer for Tony. Then my husband smiled at me and said, “Peggy, I wouldn’t ever ask you not to say what you believe. I just wanted to see what you would say when I asked you that question.” Then, Tony added wryly, “and I think I know now.”

My husband was not in agreement with me then, and he is not in complete agreement with me now on this issue. But I love the way Tony handles it when confronted by someone who says he should make his wife stop talking. In a gentle way my husband tells the person who says anything like that, that he needs to discuss with them the place of women in the church before he can discuss the homosexual issue. Do they think that women hear from God only through their husbands? Do they think husbands and wives need to agree on everything? Do they think women must have their husband’s permission to speak? My husband wants me be the person God has called me to be, even as he wants himself to be, and I am thankful beyond words for that.

+ What have you learned from the faith/spiritual journeys of LGBT people?

I used to wonder if GLBT people were better Christians than straight people, and finally I figured out why it seemed that way to me. The main body of the church here on earth has made it so difficult – so almost impossible for those children of God who happen not to be straight to be part of the church, that pretty much all but the best of them aren’t in the churches anymore. The GLBT people who are left are certainly “the cream of the crop.” They are the ones who are willing to suffer indignity and even persecution to be part of the church. When the church slammed it’s door in their faces, they kept knocking on that door until their knuckles bled. When the church sang Just As I Am, and meant everybody but them, they didn’t go away Surely God’s GLBT children have demonstrated GRACE to those who have mistreated them.

Gay people may not be better Christians than straight people, but the gay people who still want to be part of the church are some of the best Christians I know. From them, I have learned what it means to stand up for yourself and offer grace at the same time. In an article from the FAITH (DOUBT) issue of Spit & Spirit, I read, “That is our gift – that is the gift of all oppressed and marginalized people – we don’t have time for anything less than the Truth.” It has been because the GLBT community of Christ allowed me to be part of them that I found my Truth. I really don’t know who I would be without them. They have been God’s gift to me.

+ Do you feel like you’ve “arrived” or is there still more ahead of you? (Do you have a sense of what lies ahead?)

Life is a journey, and I am nowhere near ready to “have arrived.” Not now, when I am absolutely thrilled by all of the good things that are happening for the people I love. Bad laws are being struck down and justice is being given in ways I never expected to live to see. As for what lies ahead, because I am an incurable optimist, I believe that the giant wave of justice is gathering and, in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, “justice will roll down.” However, none of us, gay or straight, can stop working for the justice too long denied to God’s GLBT children. There are still kids who are not welcome in their own homes or churches, and too many broken hearts and shattered spirits out there to stop now.

This interview originally appeared in Spit & Spirit JOURNEY (EXILE). Learn more about the issue & get your copy.

How to Tell if Your Church is Welcoming for Transgender People

by Fr. Shannon Kearns

allies, leaders, trans allies, transgender

Is your church welcoming of transgender people? And if it is, does anyone know?

Lots of churches declare their “open and affirming” status on their websites. Or they will put a rainbow flag on their church sign or website homepage. But those symbols often don’t tell the whole story. Many churches that have done a lot of work on gay and lesbian issues haven’t bothered to study anything about transgender people. They have outdated language on their websites or don’t mention transgender issues at all.

Some folks will ask “Why do we need to mention it at all? Why can’t we just say we welcome all people?”

Because most churches don’t. Because I’ve sat through too many services where my life and identity is either ignored or talked about badly.

If your website says nothing about transgender people I will automatically assume that you are not welcoming of transgender people.

If you are a church leader or part of a church you absolutely must understand how crucial this is if you are actually going to be welcoming to transgender people. My default stance is to assume that your church will not be welcoming because most of them are not. If your church is, you need to be upfront and clear about it.

But don’t lie. If your church needs to do work on transgender issues, you need to do that work on your own without having a transgender person be your guinea pig. Please, don’t overstate your welcome if you’re not ready to actually be welcoming.

Here are specific things I look for on a church website to see if it’s a place that I would be willing to visit:

Do you mention transgender people anywhere on your site? And if so, are you using language that is currently considered appropriate? I can’t tell you how many church websites are using “transgendered” somewhere on their sites. (Here’s an article about why that’s not the word to use.)

Do you make it a point to mention that you have gender neutral or single stall bathrooms?

Does your statement of inclusion specifically mention both gender identity and gender expression?

How do you refer to God on your website? Do you use only male pronouns? Or only binary pronouns?

Do you have lots of gender specific ministries and groups? If so do you make clear that transgender people are welcome in those groups? Do you have groups for transgender or non-binary identified people? (And really, do you need gendered groups to begin with?)

Do you mention that you welcome families with gender diverse children?

Do you mention that people can dress however they are comfortable?

Tweet it: If your church is welcoming of #transgender people, how will people know?

Along with your website, your church should actually be prepared to welcome transgender people.

Do some work with your greeters to help them understand how hurtful gendered greetings might be (even if someone doesn’t “look like” they are transgender or don’t identify with the gender they are presenting as being called by the wrong pronoun or by a gendered address can be really hurtful).

Help your folks understand that policing bathrooms is not okay. They might think they are directing someone to the “right” restroom but they are actually being hurtful. Let people use the bathroom that they want to use and let them use it in peace.

Provide an opportunity for people to give you their pronoun, whether it’s by having space for that on church name tags or as part of the greeting time.

Help people understand that it’s not okay to stare. You wouldn’t think you would have to mention this, but you do.

Help people to understand that it is not, under any circumstances, okay to out someone. Even if you think it’s “obvious” that they are transgender. Even if they have told other people. Even if it’s on their personal website/blog/facebook page/twitter account. It is not your business and not your job to out people. (I can hear your excuses now and the answer is no. Not okay.)

It is okay, without saying anything more, to correct someone who uses the wrong pronoun. Simply say, “So and so uses X pronoun.” and move on with your conversation.

These are the ones that come to mind for me. What about you?

What do you look for on church websites? What has your church done? Have you had really bad experiences at churches? Or really good ones? Tag us on social media or slide into our DMs and let us know.

Want to make sure your church is doing safety and inclusion right? We put together a 2-page checklist so you can make sure your church is LGBTQ inclusive. We know you’ve got good intentions, this is how you can make sure you’re living out those intentions.

Download the checklist now

Original photo by BurgTender

Can straight people queer theology?

by Fr. Shannon Kearns

allies, queering theology, trans allies

We recently got an email with the subject “Reading queerly as a straight/cis dude” and the following question:

I loved last night when you and Brian said about reading your own queerness on top of the text, but I wonder what that means for a person like me? I’m naturally an empathetic person, but I know I’m never going to be able to understand someone’s queer experience firsthand, so I’m trying to figure out what it means to queer my reading of scripture for myself.

If we use the sort of broader definition of queer that you alluded to (subverting dominant norms and all), then I suppose I can start to get a feel for what it means, and listening to voices like yours and Brian’s has certainly helped me to broaden my hermeneutical lens when reading Scripture, but I was just wondering if you had any specific insights on how I might continue to do so.

Thank you so much for your voice and for all you’re doing with QT!

I think this question is one that is on a lot of people’s minds and so (with permission of the asker) I want to share my answer with you:

This is one of those things that I think is so exciting about queer theology; certainly you’re right, you don’t/won’t have a firsthand queer experience and so you can’t read that into the text, but I do think that this idea of reading queerly is about giving people permission to bring whoever they are to the text and to figure out who they are in relation to the story. I think of the way that Jesus told his audience parables and one of the ways he used them was to get the audience to figure out who they were in the story. So in the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus for example: are you the Rich Man? Lazarus? The scribes and teachers listening? Who you are shifts how you hear the story. Often that is uncomfortable because we want to be the hero of the story but sometimes the reality is that we’re the goat!

But there is also a second way of reading queerly and that takes into account this understanding of queerness by Patrick Cheng from his book “Radical Love”. He says, “The second meaning of “queer” is a self-conscious embrace of all that is transgressive of societal norms, particularly in the context of sexuality and gender identity. In fact, this term is best understood as a verb or an action. That is, to “queer” something is to engage with a methodology that challenges and disrupts the status quo. Like the function of the court jester or the subversive traditions of Mardi Gras, to “queer” something is to turn convention and authority on its head. It is about seeing things in a different light and reclaiming voices and sources that previously had been ignored, silenced, or discarded.” (From “Radical Love” Seabury Books 2011)

I think this way of reading the text; of queering popular understandings, of looking for the voices that are silenced or marginalized, of reading to turn authority on its head; that is something anyone can do. I think this is especially important for those of us who are white and live in the USA. Can we read the texts and look for places of resistance against empire? Can we read the texts and see how radical Jesus’ message is? What does it require of us? How does it change the way we live?

These are challenging questions, especially for those of us who have all sorts of privilege. But, honestly, I think the good news of the Gospel has ALWAYS been good news to the marginalized and oppressed and a challenge to those of privilege (but only because we can’t see that we would all be better if there were justice for everyone).

allies

You Can’t Build A Bridge Between LGBTQ+ People And The Church

An Open Letter to Faith Leaders for Transgender Day of Remembrance

An Open Letter to All my Friends Who Are Faith Leaders,

Listen to Transgender People

Read books by transgender people. Like a lot of them.

Show up at trans events (that are open to cis folks)

Do the “boring” work of making your church more inclusive

Hire trans people

Bring trans pastors, authors, and experts to speak at your church (and pay them)

But the most important step in all of this is to actually DO it.

Is Your Church Working In Solidarity With Transgender People?

Here a list of tangible actions you can take to make sure your church is a space for transgender people.

Does your church have accessible all-gender restrooms?

Do you have signage to indicate guests are welcome to use the bathroom consistent with their identity?

Do you specify gender identity and expression in your nondiscrimination policy?

Do you have gender-segregated groups (like a “Mens Ministry”)? If so, why? Where do nonbinary people go? Are trans women included in women’s groups?

Do you actually include transgender people in the stories you tell from the pulpit? Including stories where the point isn’t about gender?

Does your church’s health insurance cover transition-related costs? If not, how will you support church staff seeking to medically transition?

If your church supports causes (such hunger or homelessness), what are you doing about violence against trans people?

Ok, so you want to be a trans ally … what now?

Kind Homophobia and Transphobia Is Still Evil

What I learned about faith & justice from my transgender friends

Division & Solidarity: A letter to straight allies

Journey to LGBT Affirmation: An interview with Peggy Campolo

+ When did the journey toward LGBT affirmation start for you?

Who have been some of your guides along this journey?

+ What has been the easiest part? The hardest?

+ What have you learned from the faith/spiritual journeys of LGBT people?

+ Do you feel like you’ve “arrived” or is there still more ahead of you? (Do you have a sense of what lies ahead?)

How to Tell if Your Church is Welcoming for Transgender People

Some folks will ask “Why do we need to mention it at all? Why can’t we just say we welcome all people?”

Here are specific things I look for on a church website to see if it’s a place that I would be willing to visit:

Along with your website, your church should actually be prepared to welcome transgender people.

These are the ones that come to mind for me. What about you?

Can straight people queer theology?

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